Musings

I regard myself as a simple man, though often I think of myself more highly than I ought. 

I am a theological person, as others have noted.  I am not talking about holding to dogma or doctrine, per se, but regard theology as the Spirit breathing life into all that is.  And so, I am one who thinks and seeks to act guided by theological perspectives, viewing and engaging life, social issues, politics, history, and numerous experiences through a worldview that is rooted in God’s Story and Vision, specifically that of Jesus Christ – though I have friends and colleagues who are much better theologians than I am.  They are more articulate, more prolific, more nuanced than I ever can be, even will be.  I read what they write and am grateful of what I learn from them.

I have close friends and colleagues, wife and daughters, family, who are more creative, smarter, more well-read, wiser, more compassionate and caring, more loving, kinder, more thoughtful, more open to Spirit, and to act out the leading of the Spirit, than I have come to be at this point in my life.  My being with them challenges me to be a better and more active human being, more deeply rooted in Jesus – they model Christ to me. 

It is my heart’s desire to be a faithful follower of Jesus Christ, to be about the calling he has placed upon my life, to discern what God is doing in the world and joining in.  Yet, I have often stumbled in doing so effectively and graciously (and still do).  I marvel, am in awe, seeing how God’s Spirit is at work through those around me – my wife, daughters, colleagues, friends, who so more ably and faithfully follow Jesus.

I have mentors in my life who have shaped me – some personal, both past and present, many more whose wisdom I have gleaned through what they have written or from listening to their journeys.  I hope to have been a mentor to others. 

In my younger years I longed to be more prolific, in demand as a teacher, preacher, or speaker, even somewhat famous, but I have come to realize, as I have matured, as I have aged, that such a life would not have suited me.  My joy comes in walking alongside with others, being a catalyst in helping them grow and develop, for them to flourish in their relationships and endeavors, and in their relationship with Christ Jesus.  I enjoy sharing mutual Spirit-led insights as we speak life into one another’s lives, as we reflect biblically and theologically.

By no means is my life nearing an end.  No matter how ill adept I am in living out my discipleship – my following Jesus has not been a linear path, I have come to experience deeply the reality of being in Christ. It has been shared with me that this is evident through my life and my engaging with others – at least most of the time.

There are certain passages of Scripture that express the relationship that I have with Christ and in Christ, that I have grown into through deeper understanding and experience, since the day I experienced the grace and love of Christ Jesus embracing me over 50 years ago. 

I have come to realize that my identity is in Christ – though when he is hidden due to my actions or demeanor, that is due to me not fully being open to Christ in me.  What Paul expresses in Galatians 2:20 is what I seek for my life to give witness to as well.  “I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

I have come to realize that I am grateful that Christ holds my life and holds my life together – as Paul in writing to the Colossians expressed: “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together” (1:17).  I have come to discover the truth of this over the 50 years I have walked with him and he with me. 

I have come to find rest and strength in being with him, walking alongside him, learning from him, and from those who walk with him as well.  I continually respond to his invitation expressed in Matthew’s Gospel, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (11:28-30). Perhaps in all this, recognizing that I am not what I initially longed to be – thanks be to God, I am perhaps at least recognized that I am one who has been (and is) with Jesus.  May this fill me with courage to be a more active disciple of Jesus Christ in our tumultuous world.